the ask@AAR: Are you ready to agree to disagree? : All About Romance

Currently, I am working a joint review with another reviewer on a book I loved and she did not. Neither is going to change the other’s mind about this work. She’d give the book a C/low B–for me it’s a DIK. We have agreed to disagree. 

At the same time, I’ve been deep in conversation with a friend whose son is struggling with his fiancée over the cost of their wedding. He’d prefer to have a very low key wedding and have the families help with buying a house. She has her heart set on a big wedding. The couple, previously happy together, is struggling to find a middle ground. In this case, if they agree to disagree, someone gets what they want and someone does not. It’s not quite as final as the I want a baby and my partner doesn’t dilemma (You can’t have half a baby.), but it is one of those issues where compromise is unlikely to make either party happy.

How to disagree? As many have complained about over the years, I tend to let anyone express their opinions. I grew up in a big family who spent most of the dinner hour debating any and every issue and it feels normal to me to be unfussed when people say things I think are terribly wrong. That same big family forced so many compromises on me that I tend to deal pretty easily with not getting my own way all the time. 

Many think compromises are bad news, that there are lines that should never be crossed, and that giving up on something that matters to you means you have somehow failed. Any and all of those things can be true–and sometimes it’s worth refusing to agree to disagree or refusing to do something someone else wants you to and you don’t. AND, in my experience, those times are rare. Most of the time, if you want to be in relationships with others and in functional communities, if you ask me, it’s probably best to, at the very least, give that inch. 

I’m hoping, that in 2025, we here at AAR will continue to work to politely agree to disagree. The coming year will, I’m sure, bring lots of things that make readers nuts/angry/depressed. When that happens, I’ll be working to make AAR a place where you can share your feelings AND disagree with those who see things differently. 

What do you think? Is this a pipe dream? Let me know in the comments.